Low on Optimism

So today my optimism tank is running pretty low. I had a super-frustrating day at school and this week I also found out that the person who was my "in" in the Durango school district no longer has his position. Whether that was planned, or something else happened, I do not know. What I know is that my info got forwarded to someone else and they sent me a very generic "the economy sucks and we are not sure if we are going to hire anyone this year, but check back in April" email. Fantastic. Apparently a lot of the school districts in CO are facing some major financial issues... and while I don't think I was unrealistic about job prospects, when other people keep telling you that you will get any job you want, it is kind of a slap in the face to deal with a situation that is so opposite of what I was told to expect.

While I do not specifically have my heart set on one particular place, I am feeling a huge amount of pressure to get a job somewhere that I actually can see myself living for an extended period of time. Granted, this pressure is coming from myself... but I am so tired of moving around and not having a freaking HOME. I want to have an address that my friends can actually put in their address books (I am told that I am a post-it note because I have used up too many spaces already), I want to have a local phone number, I want to pay a mortgage instead of rent and know the people in my town. I want to have a group of friends and a boyfriend who I can be with for longer than a year or two that I happen to be in a particular place. I also want to have my own classroom that I can arrange and organize in a non-stupid way. I want to have colleagues that I can build a relationship with since I will be somewhere for more than a few months. I want to get involved in projects that I believe in because I work somewhere where I actually choose to be.

I wouldn't change the life I have had so far because my experiences living in different places and meeting different people have made me ME, and I think I am a pretty cool person because of all of that....... but I am ready to put down some roots so that I can start growing my branches and leaves and see what else I have in me. So anyway, the bottom line is that I am feeling very small, frustrated, overwhelmed, and sad. I know it's more about my perspective than about some all-powerful "right" answer... so if you happen to have any magic pickles (we read Aladdin and the Magic Pickle Jar this week in school... pretty funny!) or just some extra warm fuzzies hanging around.... Please send them my way.